I am back

First of all, I apologize for the lack of update. I understand that there are a lot of speculations and worries about my whereabouts, and I would like to take this opportunity to express my deepest gratitude towards you.

It is only appropriate for me to list out the things that had happened during my absence in order to explain my lack of update.

I had successfully landed a job in one of the SMEs about a month ago. The job sent me outstation for product technical training in the factory, proving me accommodation in a hotel nonetheless. It wasn't some 5 stars hotel, not even a 3 stars, but it was great to have a room with a bed and a shower. After months of sleeping on a car seat and carpeted floor, the feeling of a bed touching the skin is purely a heavenly experience. Most importantly, I had also learned to appreciate a proper bathroom with steamy hot shower. The feeling of the hot water streaming down the back was beyond description of words.

The only downside to this is that I did not have Internet access in the training area as the information we dealt with are critical to the company's profit. The only access is through the Administrator office and our access would be monitored. I did not want to take the risk of letting my identity made known to the public, especially the office co-workers, so I did not write. But I did reply Adrian's email to let him know that I was doing great.

I wrote some post updates at night in the hotel room, trying to inform everyone about the ongoing activities and not to let anyone getting worried. I was planning to update this blog when I came back to the city. Unfortunately, my laptop broke down and a quick talk to the technician concluded that the hard drive was "fried", as he put it. I was told that all the information that I had previously stored in the hard drive is forever lost.

At this moment, I am using one of the Internet Cafes in the area to reply some emails and also updating this blog. I apologize if you find that this update lacks the details because I am trying to minimize the duration of the usage. They are charging by the hourly rate!

Anyway, back to the subject of updating; after 3 weeks of technical training, I was relocated back to the Klang Valley office and that was when I had to sleep in the car again because I vacated out from the previous job, where I was working as a night security. I thanked the boss profoundly for providing me the job and the shelter when I was facing difficulties. The boss was kind enough to offer me to continue staying there until I could afford a better place.

I had to gently decline his kind offer as I felt that it was inappropriate for me to continue staying there for free. So he wished me good luck and paid me the salary (which I refused to accept since I was only guarding the factory for less than 2 weeks, and I took the shelter as a form of compensation) when I loaded my belongings into my car.

Heading Adrian's advice, I asked around the office if there was a place to rent. After a quick round of asking, I found out that there was this young girl in the office renting a whole apartment nearby the office, and she was looking for a sublease! I approached her with caution and I asked her if I could sublease the room.

She looked at me, considering her options since I am the new guy in the office and she doesn't know me that well. Finally she agreed. Because we are colleagues, she agreed that I do not have to pay her the required 2 months deposit but I must keep to my words that I would keep the apartment in tiptop condition and I would help to tidy up the place every week. I agreed to her condition.

After sleeping in the car for 4 days, I finally moved into her apartment. It is a small unit, but it was in very clean state and I was shown to my room. Just two days ago I went to the night market and got myself a mattress that would provide me some cushioning between the floor and my bad hip.

Right now, I wake up in the morning to work, take light lunch with my colleagues, and at night I would head back to the apartment to rest. It is a simple life, but as one would put it, this is a good start. For me, this is a great start, and I am looking forward for this new life.

Thank you all... again

A lot of people had offered their help to me. Some asked me to leave a message, some asked me to drop them an e-mail, some offered by leaving comments, and some, wanted my e-mail so they can communicate with me directly.

Before I can say anything, please allow me to have the liberty of saying this: thank you all very much.

I definitely understand your concern and your heartfelt care. But please allow me to say this once again,

...please allow me to say that I am very grateful, but I need to find the steps in my life myself. I must get out of this hole myself as this is my sole purpose of surviving, period. I came to this world with nothing, and during the years, I had accumulated some small sum, and now I am reduced to nothing again. I believe that I will be back to where I was before all these nightmares, like phoenix rises from the ash. But I must do this myself.

I hope you won't take this wrongly. I want to be an independent person. When I first came to this world, I had to rely on my mother a lot until the day she passed away. But when I am of age to take care of myself, I had taken the steps to really grow up, to be independent. I had my fair share of hard time, but during these hardships, I grew up with more experience. I don't want to be a leech, to my friends, family (not much to speak of), and to the society. I believe that for the infancy stage, we will required the love and tender care from our parents, but once we reach a certain stage, we have to learn how to take care of ourselves.

I had reached this stage, many years back, and I certainly need to take care of myself. I know some of you had taken the steps to help me in a way that it is not sympathy nor pity, and I appreciate that. That is the reason why when the time was really difficult, I did not end up as a beggar on the street. That is the reason why I stand with my head up high, doing the necessity to survive.

For me to write on this blog, be it good writing or not, is a channel for me to vent out my frustrations, share my experiences, tell my stories, express my feelings, and most importantly, to let people know the mistakes that I had made so that hopefully one day, someone will stumble into this blog and not to repeat the same mistakes that I had done.

I am not a professional writer, and I am not trained in writing. The articles here might not touch a single soul nor make people weep with tears, but the underlying message is clear; it is my story, and I hope people will learn from me and not repeat the mistakes that I made in life. I regretted a lot of the mistakes that I had done. Besides the fact that I cannot turn back the clock, I can't really do much about it but to learn from these mistakes and share it with people.

But for all my readers who really want to help, please take my advice: Provide your help to someone around you. You can donate to an orphanage, old-folks home, your local animal shelter, or volunteer yourself to participate in this kind of charity work. There are a lot more people who need help more than I do, and these people are surrounding us, all of us. So please take a moment, smile to a stranger, or help those who are really in need.

For me, I am still at prime age. I am not disabled, nor illiterate. I will find my way out of this situation, myself.

Nonetheless, I still want to say thank you to all of you who had been showing me support.

Thank you.

Thank you all...

To be honest, I am overwhelmed by the response that this blog has garnered. I didn't expect the visitors, and I certainly didn't expect the help that people are offering me.

I am surprised, and I am touched, at the same time feeling speechless as I can't find the proper words to thank you all for the emotional support and encouragement that you are giving. So I guess I will just say a simple "Thank you".

Because of the limited time that I can stay online before my laptop battery goes flat, I can't reply all the supportive comments that you have left in my portal. But rest assure that I read every one of them, and I have decided to write a message as a reply, so please forgive me if I don't address you as individual but as a whole.

I don't use my real name or even disclose the locations of my whereabouts is because I want to stay anonymous. The reasons to remain anonymous are (1) I am not looking for fame. All I wanted is to tell my stories, a channel for me to vent out whatever that's in my mind, and if just one person can benefit from my stories, that is more than enough for me, (2) I don't want my future employer to say "Oh! You are that homeless guy!" and I just want my peace of mind, and (3) I don't want people to look for me, tap my car window and scare me to death.

At this moment, what I need the most is peace of mind to calm myself down after the turbulent months that I had went through. Sleeping in my car is not something to be proud of, and to say that it is uncomfortable is overly understatement. Certainly, staying anonymous can allow me the peace of mind that I can think and work on things that I need to do.

In short, I need time to regain my life. It will take time because I have lost so much, not in terms of finance, but in terms of time, faith, and beliefs. But one good experience that I derive from all these is that no one can underestimate the capability and generosity of a stranger. I had witnessed it from Adrian, and now all of you. But we also cannot overestimate the helps that we can get from our so-called friends, as in time of needs, sometimes they will turn their back on you and walk away.

And for all the help that you are offering, please allow me to say that I am very grateful, but I need to find the steps in my life myself. I must get out of this hole myself as this is my sole purpose of surviving, period. I came to this world with nothing, and during the years, I had accumulated some small sum, and now I am reduced to nothing again. I believe that I will be back to where I was before all these nightmares, like pheonix rises from the ash. But I must do this myself.

But I am not alone. I have you guys supporting me even thought I am a nobody to you. Every night when I have trouble falling to sleep, I know that your support and encouragement is with me, so I feel much better. With that, I have the courage to face the challenges in life. The body ache from sleeping in the car will be a minor distraction only.

Yes, some will say that it is easy to drop a line of comment to show that you are supportive. But to take the time and effort to compose what you have just left as comment, that's something else.

But don't worry, as Adrian has contacted me and right now we are working on few things and when it is done, I will let you all know about the good news.

Please do keep the offers alive, not only to me but to those who need you as well. Before all these, I didn't realize that there are so many needy people around us, surrounding us. So please, offer the help to the needy people around you also.

Again, thank you.