I have found a temporary shelter. Or rather, technically, Adrian found me a temporary shelter.
I think the best way to describe this is to copy and paste the email that Adrian sent to me some time ago.
Hey, sorry for not dropping by your blog for a bit cos lately I had been busy. But I think there are a lot of people take notice of your blog. Good job! Trust me, if the content is not good, you still won't get visitor, and from what I read, you are good.
Now, here comes the good news.
I have talked to a few friends, and one of my female friends asked her dad, whom own a factory in XXXX. Her dad is willing to offer you a place to sleep and on top of that, he will offer you a job too! Now comes the bad news. It is not a house, but a medium size factory in an industrial area. She said you can sleep in the office, as her dad needs some one to guard the factory at night because his Indonesian worker is going back, and by that, he will be paying you a minimum monthy salary. I am not sure how much is that, but I can get in touch with her if you are interested.
Also, do you want a part-time job in sales? An acquittance of mine is looking for a part-time for his car dealership. I am not sure if you are willing to do sales as you come from technical background, but I suggest that you give it a try.
On top of that, I have checked with my ex-company which is related to your industry. I don't know how good you are, but when I put the words for you, they asked me to get your resume. So please forward your resume to XXX@XXXXX and in the subject, put "Referral from Adrian Ang". Getting the full time job or not is completely up to your qualifications.
Anyway, please don't see that I am helping you in the factory. It is a job that comes with accomodation, and best of all, they have internet connection there. So if you are willing to work as night-shift guard at the factory, call me.
Hang in there. With your qualification, I am sure you can do many things you want.
Regards,
Adrian
Now, I don't know what to say. From earlier conversation with Adrian, he told me that there are a lot of skeptical people out there about the validity of my claim for being homeless and sleeping in my car, so these people might jump out and say, "Hey, but you said you didn't pay your phone bill and you can't call out!"
(Sorry Adrian, but I have to tell them the truth and void the promise that I made to you)
My phone bill was paid, by Adrian. Well, not all by himself, but he got some of his friends to chip in as well after learning my stories. He has done so without my knowledge since he has my contact number, which I disapprove but grateful nonetheless.
I understand that this world is filled with skepticism and I don't mind that if people are doubting me. I am just a no-body in the cyberspace and I choose to remain anonymous. But I cannot tolerate people pointing their fingers at Adrian. If you want to point your finger at someone, I am here, awaiting for your accusation, and I am willing to accept all the accusation that you might have.
Anyway, let's not derive and stray too far from the topic, so let's move on.
Yes, I have taken up the job as night shift guard taking care of the factory at night. There is no bed, but at least I have a flat surface to sleep on instead of curling up my legs all the time and sleeping in an awkward position. There's no water heater, but at least I still can take a shower. At least no one is chasing me away when I use the internet. Most importantly, there is a roof on top of me where I am shielded from the sun, rain, dust, and insects.
It is still not my home. But at least this is a good start.
As for the car salesman job offering, I know nuts about automotive. I know how to drive an auto transmission car, and that's about it. So at the end they did not hire me.
I have sent out my resume to the company that Adrian mentioned, and now I am awaiting for the call for the interview. I have crossed my fingers and hoping for the best. For once, I am sure of something; I am sure that many of you have your fingers crossed for me as well, and I thank you for that.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
[RECAP] In the night of chinese new year
It was barely few minutes past 12 in the morning, and the people around the housing area were still awake, making the final preparation for the Chinese New Year celebration.
I laid in the car seat, starring at the car ceiling, thinking about my future, but mostly dwell on my own failure in life. I had not only lost my life, or rather the life that I used to know, but also my sense of selfness had gone down the ditch, coupled with my confidence. What I had left was a few baggages of my personal belongings laying at the back seats, the mid-sized sedan, my brain and dignity.
Suddenly I felt a sharp pinch of pain in my neck, and it felt like a needle had just pierced right into the bone and my vision blacked out for split second.
I forgot that I had to stay still in order not to agitate the joints. Half laying down on a car seat is not a comfortable experience and I shifted my weight to reduce the pressure on my hip and back, but that aggravated the neck pain.
My back and shoulder, especially the neck, had been in constant grievance since the 3rd days from the night I spent in my car. I longed for a comfortable bed with a nice fluffy pillow, just for one night, but the only thing I could afford was sleeping in my car.
The children were playing on the roadside with the supervision of their parents. Some of them played with firecrackers, and the younger ones were standing nearby to watch. Every few seconds, the kids would burst into laughter that carried far into the street, and I sat there, watching them with envy and motionless in order not to aggravate the pain. They appeared so happy.
Suddenly, the rush of childhood memory flooded me like waterfall, and I remembered how my mom used to watch me playing firecrackers during Chinese New Year, how she smiled at me as she always did, and how we enjoyed our reunion dinner together. Sometimes she would ask me to help with some task as not to let me feel bored, and sometimes just for the purpose of teaching me new things.
But it all changed, forever, after she passed away due to cancer.
Ever since, I dislike Chinese New Year because it was a reflection on how lonely I was, especially when all my friends would be busy to be with their family. For me, being the only child in the family and having a dad that was always away on business trip, or staying over at the mistress's house, I became an orphan when my mom passed away, so I hated Chinese New Year, and most often than not, I refused to celebrate it.
I stayed in the car, watching, envying the people around. After a while, the pain started to build up on my hip, and it became unbearable. I unlocked the door, and I stumbled. My legs had gone numb and my back and neck were strangling me with pain. I stayed motionless for few seconds until the pain subsided, and I looked around again.
It was the first day of Chinese New Year, and for the first time in many years, I had the sudden urge to celebrate Chinese New Year, just for once.
I laid in the car seat, starring at the car ceiling, thinking about my future, but mostly dwell on my own failure in life. I had not only lost my life, or rather the life that I used to know, but also my sense of selfness had gone down the ditch, coupled with my confidence. What I had left was a few baggages of my personal belongings laying at the back seats, the mid-sized sedan, my brain and dignity.
Suddenly I felt a sharp pinch of pain in my neck, and it felt like a needle had just pierced right into the bone and my vision blacked out for split second.
I forgot that I had to stay still in order not to agitate the joints. Half laying down on a car seat is not a comfortable experience and I shifted my weight to reduce the pressure on my hip and back, but that aggravated the neck pain.
My back and shoulder, especially the neck, had been in constant grievance since the 3rd days from the night I spent in my car. I longed for a comfortable bed with a nice fluffy pillow, just for one night, but the only thing I could afford was sleeping in my car.
The children were playing on the roadside with the supervision of their parents. Some of them played with firecrackers, and the younger ones were standing nearby to watch. Every few seconds, the kids would burst into laughter that carried far into the street, and I sat there, watching them with envy and motionless in order not to aggravate the pain. They appeared so happy.
Suddenly, the rush of childhood memory flooded me like waterfall, and I remembered how my mom used to watch me playing firecrackers during Chinese New Year, how she smiled at me as she always did, and how we enjoyed our reunion dinner together. Sometimes she would ask me to help with some task as not to let me feel bored, and sometimes just for the purpose of teaching me new things.
But it all changed, forever, after she passed away due to cancer.
Ever since, I dislike Chinese New Year because it was a reflection on how lonely I was, especially when all my friends would be busy to be with their family. For me, being the only child in the family and having a dad that was always away on business trip, or staying over at the mistress's house, I became an orphan when my mom passed away, so I hated Chinese New Year, and most often than not, I refused to celebrate it.
I stayed in the car, watching, envying the people around. After a while, the pain started to build up on my hip, and it became unbearable. I unlocked the door, and I stumbled. My legs had gone numb and my back and neck were strangling me with pain. I stayed motionless for few seconds until the pain subsided, and I looked around again.
It was the first day of Chinese New Year, and for the first time in many years, I had the sudden urge to celebrate Chinese New Year, just for once.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
The mistakes that we can make in a relationship...
As promised, I am here to follow up to list down the mistakes that both of us had done during our relationship.
Our first mistake was rushing in.
Believe it or not, after just a few months knowing and starting the relationship, we moved in together. Now I realized the mistake because we should have at least spent more time to know each other more before we take the next step. But we didn't. What we did was we rushed in, moved in, and then, started a life while still trying to know each other more.
Of course, another drawback is that once you are comfortable with the kind of life, or rather, get used to having someone at home waiting for you, and if things just don't work out the way you wanted, then you will be like me, moving out and struggling to start a new life.
The reason why I call myself homeless is because I don't have a home. A home is not a house. A home is where when you feel tired, upon entering you will feel comfortable. You feel safe. Even when you are drunk, you still can drive all the way back without missing a turn. That's home, and a home is where the heart is. For me, I am homeless is because I don't have a home. My childhood home is infested with those whom I hate. My recent home was the home I built with her. But now, I am completely homeless, and sleeping in my car.
But as I had mentioned before, Adrian and I are working on something. I will reveal more in due time.
The second mistake is we take each other for granted. But to be honest, she didn't take things for granted as much as I did. After being together for years, sometimes I forget to pamper her, to praise her, to take care of her. I mean, I still do love her madly and I still miss her like crazy, but sometimes after work, I just didn't have the energy to pamper her, or say beautiful words when she has done something for me. Besides, both of us were working so most of the time I would be busy with work and she has to take care of herself. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, but women likes to be pampered and taken care of once in a while.
In another words, we were living like a long time married couple, which in fact we were not married. So that's really unhealthy for a relationship.
The third mistake, which is the deadliest of all, was the lack of communication.
Now when I think back, I realized that the signs were all along there, weeks, if not months, prior to the break up. But I didn't see it back then. And the worst thing was, I assumed that things were OK.
We did not communicate. She didn't feel happy about things, but she didn't talk to me about it. On later part, she said that she had given me many chances, but the problem is, she didn't tell me, she didn't talk to me, she didn't communicate with me, so I had the false impression that everything was fine, but the fact was otherwise. For my part, I ceased to ask "Is everything okay?" to start a communication channel with her. For my part, I didn't tell her about the failed investment. The truth is that up until now, she has no idea how much I have lost in investment, and she has no idea that I have been living in my car for months.
But now I think about it, choosing not to tell her was in fact one of the wisest choice I had made during these years. What if she knows? Well, will she take pity in me and not breaking up with me, but the feeling towards me had gone forever? I certainly don't want that, and I don't want anyone, and I do mean anyone, to pity me. So what if I told her that I am living in my car? Does it make a difference now that we had broke up? Or do I want her to pity me and take me back while she has feelings towards someone else, like the guy driving the BMW? I certainly don't want that.
She moved on, and she is happy. For me, that's what I wanted to see. I don't want to see her cry. I don't want to see her sad. I don't want to see her in sorrow. I saw her being so happy with that man, and feeling sad I am, but on the other hand, I feel happy for her.
I hope you won't repeat my mistakes in relationship. I have failed not in life, in investment, but in love life as well. So take my lesson, buy a flower with a card, and give it to him/her, and don't forget to tell him/her that you love him/her, and pamper him/her, ask him/her if everything is okay.
If not, you will end up like me. I want to pamper her, but she is no longer mine to be pampered by me.
Don't let go a good relationship, because when it's gone, it is gone forever.
Our first mistake was rushing in.
Believe it or not, after just a few months knowing and starting the relationship, we moved in together. Now I realized the mistake because we should have at least spent more time to know each other more before we take the next step. But we didn't. What we did was we rushed in, moved in, and then, started a life while still trying to know each other more.
Of course, another drawback is that once you are comfortable with the kind of life, or rather, get used to having someone at home waiting for you, and if things just don't work out the way you wanted, then you will be like me, moving out and struggling to start a new life.
The reason why I call myself homeless is because I don't have a home. A home is not a house. A home is where when you feel tired, upon entering you will feel comfortable. You feel safe. Even when you are drunk, you still can drive all the way back without missing a turn. That's home, and a home is where the heart is. For me, I am homeless is because I don't have a home. My childhood home is infested with those whom I hate. My recent home was the home I built with her. But now, I am completely homeless, and sleeping in my car.
But as I had mentioned before, Adrian and I are working on something. I will reveal more in due time.
The second mistake is we take each other for granted. But to be honest, she didn't take things for granted as much as I did. After being together for years, sometimes I forget to pamper her, to praise her, to take care of her. I mean, I still do love her madly and I still miss her like crazy, but sometimes after work, I just didn't have the energy to pamper her, or say beautiful words when she has done something for me. Besides, both of us were working so most of the time I would be busy with work and she has to take care of herself. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, but women likes to be pampered and taken care of once in a while.
In another words, we were living like a long time married couple, which in fact we were not married. So that's really unhealthy for a relationship.
The third mistake, which is the deadliest of all, was the lack of communication.
Now when I think back, I realized that the signs were all along there, weeks, if not months, prior to the break up. But I didn't see it back then. And the worst thing was, I assumed that things were OK.
We did not communicate. She didn't feel happy about things, but she didn't talk to me about it. On later part, she said that she had given me many chances, but the problem is, she didn't tell me, she didn't talk to me, she didn't communicate with me, so I had the false impression that everything was fine, but the fact was otherwise. For my part, I ceased to ask "Is everything okay?" to start a communication channel with her. For my part, I didn't tell her about the failed investment. The truth is that up until now, she has no idea how much I have lost in investment, and she has no idea that I have been living in my car for months.
But now I think about it, choosing not to tell her was in fact one of the wisest choice I had made during these years. What if she knows? Well, will she take pity in me and not breaking up with me, but the feeling towards me had gone forever? I certainly don't want that, and I don't want anyone, and I do mean anyone, to pity me. So what if I told her that I am living in my car? Does it make a difference now that we had broke up? Or do I want her to pity me and take me back while she has feelings towards someone else, like the guy driving the BMW? I certainly don't want that.
She moved on, and she is happy. For me, that's what I wanted to see. I don't want to see her cry. I don't want to see her sad. I don't want to see her in sorrow. I saw her being so happy with that man, and feeling sad I am, but on the other hand, I feel happy for her.
I hope you won't repeat my mistakes in relationship. I have failed not in life, in investment, but in love life as well. So take my lesson, buy a flower with a card, and give it to him/her, and don't forget to tell him/her that you love him/her, and pamper him/her, ask him/her if everything is okay.
If not, you will end up like me. I want to pamper her, but she is no longer mine to be pampered by me.
Don't let go a good relationship, because when it's gone, it is gone forever.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
A quick update
I had not been writing much for the past few days because I had had problems connecting to the Internet. Something might be wrong with the Wifi station, or the problem lies in my laptop.
So this is just a quick update to you that I am OK, still very much alive, and still struggling.
Besides writing the real-time events (sorry, I don't know what is the technical term for this) that is happening around me, I was thinking of writing some of the recap of what I had experienced during these few months. For the recap articles, I will encrust the word [RECAP] to indicate which one of these articles are just me telling the stories that had happened.
Anyway, thank you for visiting my blog.
So this is just a quick update to you that I am OK, still very much alive, and still struggling.
Besides writing the real-time events (sorry, I don't know what is the technical term for this) that is happening around me, I was thinking of writing some of the recap of what I had experienced during these few months. For the recap articles, I will encrust the word [RECAP] to indicate which one of these articles are just me telling the stories that had happened.
Anyway, thank you for visiting my blog.
Thank you all... again
A lot of people had offered their help to me. Some asked me to leave a message, some asked me to drop them an e-mail, some offered by leaving comments, and some, wanted my e-mail so they can communicate with me directly.
Before I can say anything, please allow me to have the liberty of saying this: thank you all very much.
I definitely understand your concern and your heartfelt care. But please allow me to say this once again,
I had reached this stage, many years back, and I certainly need to take care of myself. I know some of you had taken the steps to help me in a way that it is not sympathy nor pity, and I appreciate that. That is the reason why when the time was really difficult, I did not end up as a beggar on the street. That is the reason why I stand with my head up high, doing the necessity to survive.
For me to write on this blog, be it good writing or not, is a channel for me to vent out my frustrations, share my experiences, tell my stories, express my feelings, and most importantly, to let people know the mistakes that I had made so that hopefully one day, someone will stumble into this blog and not to repeat the same mistakes that I had done.
I am not a professional writer, and I am not trained in writing. The articles here might not touch a single soul nor make people weep with tears, but the underlying message is clear; it is my story, and I hope people will learn from me and not repeat the mistakes that I made in life. I regretted a lot of the mistakes that I had done. Besides the fact that I cannot turn back the clock, I can't really do much about it but to learn from these mistakes and share it with people.
But for all my readers who really want to help, please take my advice: Provide your help to someone around you. You can donate to an orphanage, old-folks home, your local animal shelter, or volunteer yourself to participate in this kind of charity work. There are a lot more people who need help more than I do, and these people are surrounding us, all of us. So please take a moment, smile to a stranger, or help those who are really in need.
For me, I am still at prime age. I am not disabled, nor illiterate. I will find my way out of this situation, myself.
Nonetheless, I still want to say thank you to all of you who had been showing me support.
Thank you.
Before I can say anything, please allow me to have the liberty of saying this: thank you all very much.
I definitely understand your concern and your heartfelt care. But please allow me to say this once again,
...please allow me to say that I am very grateful, but I need to find the steps in my life myself. I must get out of this hole myself as this is my sole purpose of surviving, period. I came to this world with nothing, and during the years, I had accumulated some small sum, and now I am reduced to nothing again. I believe that I will be back to where I was before all these nightmares, like phoenix rises from the ash. But I must do this myself.I hope you won't take this wrongly. I want to be an independent person. When I first came to this world, I had to rely on my mother a lot until the day she passed away. But when I am of age to take care of myself, I had taken the steps to really grow up, to be independent. I had my fair share of hard time, but during these hardships, I grew up with more experience. I don't want to be a leech, to my friends, family (not much to speak of), and to the society. I believe that for the infancy stage, we will required the love and tender care from our parents, but once we reach a certain stage, we have to learn how to take care of ourselves.
I had reached this stage, many years back, and I certainly need to take care of myself. I know some of you had taken the steps to help me in a way that it is not sympathy nor pity, and I appreciate that. That is the reason why when the time was really difficult, I did not end up as a beggar on the street. That is the reason why I stand with my head up high, doing the necessity to survive.
For me to write on this blog, be it good writing or not, is a channel for me to vent out my frustrations, share my experiences, tell my stories, express my feelings, and most importantly, to let people know the mistakes that I had made so that hopefully one day, someone will stumble into this blog and not to repeat the same mistakes that I had done.
I am not a professional writer, and I am not trained in writing. The articles here might not touch a single soul nor make people weep with tears, but the underlying message is clear; it is my story, and I hope people will learn from me and not repeat the mistakes that I made in life. I regretted a lot of the mistakes that I had done. Besides the fact that I cannot turn back the clock, I can't really do much about it but to learn from these mistakes and share it with people.
But for all my readers who really want to help, please take my advice: Provide your help to someone around you. You can donate to an orphanage, old-folks home, your local animal shelter, or volunteer yourself to participate in this kind of charity work. There are a lot more people who need help more than I do, and these people are surrounding us, all of us. So please take a moment, smile to a stranger, or help those who are really in need.
For me, I am still at prime age. I am not disabled, nor illiterate. I will find my way out of this situation, myself.
Nonetheless, I still want to say thank you to all of you who had been showing me support.
Thank you.
Friday, April 11, 2008
The guy with a knife...
Every morning I wake up to a stiff neck, cramped shoulders, aching back, and numb legs. That's the result of sleeping in the car for long period of time.
But this morning, besides the usual body ache, I woke up with a serious hip cramp, back spasm and numb feet. But that wasn't the worse case scenario. There was a man tapping on my car window loudy, so hard that he almost broke the window. I sat up as quickly as possible, and I saw a man standing just right next to the door.
I squinted, as it was dark. The moonlight penetrated through the leaves and that gave me enough light to make out the man standing there. He is about mid 30's, very tan (maybe some foreign workers, or some local guy), thin arms with veins probing out almost every inch of his arms. His eye whites were not white but brown yellowish, and it was bloodshot.
He tapped on my window loudly again, shouting nonchalantly. I just woke up, and I was still very dizzy, so I didn't catch what he was saying.
I rubbed my eyes again, and looked left and right. The streets was eerily quiet, not a single living soul from what I could see under the moonlight. The reflection of the moon shone brightly on the lake, and it was a sight to behold of. The lake, under the moonlight, was emitting a kind of aura that is both captivating and alluring. Unfortunately, it wasn't time to enjoy the scenery.
Something was not right.
He said something again, but I couldn't hear him. At first I thought of rolling down the car window a few inches more so that I could make out what he was saying, but I caught myself and I thought better of it. Then I saw his left hand was behind his back while his right hand tapping my window continuously.
Then I saw it. A glister, not a pretty sight that I was hoping for.
Apparently he was holding a knife with his left hand and he was hiding the knife from my view. He smiled at me, and the hair behind my back stood up as straight as army during national anthem.
Instead of rolling down the window, my instinct put me in auto-drive and I rolled up the window, started the car as fast as possible, put the gear in Reverse, and sped off.
While I was reversing away from him, I stole a few glances at him and saw that he was running towards me, knife no longer hidden. Cold sweat broke out from my face, and my palms became sweaty. But I didn't have the time to consider otherwise, so I continued reversing my car as far as possible before doing a U-turn and drove off.
What was he planning to do to me? Was he thinking of robbing me? Excuse me, I am not Einstein but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that I am homeless. Why would anyone wants to rob a homeless? Both are broke, so might as well go rob someone else. Or was he thinking of taking my car? That would be dreadful as my car is my precious and without it, it's like someone just chop off my legs and I will be handicap. Or was he planning something more sinister, like killing me? I don't know. I didn't want to find out, and I am not planning to go back and ask him politely if he was gonna rob me, take my car, or kill me.
Anyway, I was wide awake after that, failing to sleep for the rest of the night.
I will not go back to that place again.
But most importantly, very soon I will be having a place to stay. It is not confirmed yet, so I will only reveal more when it is time to do so.
But this morning, besides the usual body ache, I woke up with a serious hip cramp, back spasm and numb feet. But that wasn't the worse case scenario. There was a man tapping on my car window loudy, so hard that he almost broke the window. I sat up as quickly as possible, and I saw a man standing just right next to the door.
I squinted, as it was dark. The moonlight penetrated through the leaves and that gave me enough light to make out the man standing there. He is about mid 30's, very tan (maybe some foreign workers, or some local guy), thin arms with veins probing out almost every inch of his arms. His eye whites were not white but brown yellowish, and it was bloodshot.
He tapped on my window loudly again, shouting nonchalantly. I just woke up, and I was still very dizzy, so I didn't catch what he was saying.
I rubbed my eyes again, and looked left and right. The streets was eerily quiet, not a single living soul from what I could see under the moonlight. The reflection of the moon shone brightly on the lake, and it was a sight to behold of. The lake, under the moonlight, was emitting a kind of aura that is both captivating and alluring. Unfortunately, it wasn't time to enjoy the scenery.
Something was not right.
He said something again, but I couldn't hear him. At first I thought of rolling down the car window a few inches more so that I could make out what he was saying, but I caught myself and I thought better of it. Then I saw his left hand was behind his back while his right hand tapping my window continuously.
Then I saw it. A glister, not a pretty sight that I was hoping for.
Apparently he was holding a knife with his left hand and he was hiding the knife from my view. He smiled at me, and the hair behind my back stood up as straight as army during national anthem.
Instead of rolling down the window, my instinct put me in auto-drive and I rolled up the window, started the car as fast as possible, put the gear in Reverse, and sped off.
While I was reversing away from him, I stole a few glances at him and saw that he was running towards me, knife no longer hidden. Cold sweat broke out from my face, and my palms became sweaty. But I didn't have the time to consider otherwise, so I continued reversing my car as far as possible before doing a U-turn and drove off.
What was he planning to do to me? Was he thinking of robbing me? Excuse me, I am not Einstein but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that I am homeless. Why would anyone wants to rob a homeless? Both are broke, so might as well go rob someone else. Or was he thinking of taking my car? That would be dreadful as my car is my precious and without it, it's like someone just chop off my legs and I will be handicap. Or was he planning something more sinister, like killing me? I don't know. I didn't want to find out, and I am not planning to go back and ask him politely if he was gonna rob me, take my car, or kill me.
Anyway, I was wide awake after that, failing to sleep for the rest of the night.
I will not go back to that place again.
But most importantly, very soon I will be having a place to stay. It is not confirmed yet, so I will only reveal more when it is time to do so.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Letting her go...
This afternoon when I was at Starbucks, online again, replying the emails regarding potential interview opportunities, someone tapped me on the shoulder.
I turned, and I was surprised to see her.
"Hi. Long time no see. How are you?"
It took me a good few seconds to regain my conscious, and I must have mumbled something in the line of "Hi, I am fine. How about you?" because she smiled and took a seat opposite me.
I sat upright, folded my laptop, and looked at her.
She smiled, and asked, "So where are you staying now?"
I looked around, avoiding eye contact with her, and said, "Does it matter?"
She looked at me, the smile faded, and she thought for a while before answering me.
"No, it doesn't."
I looked at her, heart pounding, but trying my absolute best not to show, and said, "I saw you the other day, with the guy driving the 5 series."
Her eyes widened, and she was speechless. If I were her, I would not know how to reply to such statement. Knowing her so well, I added, "I am happy to see that you are happy. I hope he treats you well."
"Thanks...," and that was all she could say to me.
"It looks like he is rich. I hope he can provide you more than what I could last time and this time, you will treasure him and not giving up so easily like what you had done to me," I said.
I looked to the side, avoiding eye contact again. I didn't want her to see the moist forming in my eyes.
"What do you mean? You should know me well enough that money to me is not the most important thing," she confronted me.
I inhaled deeply, and said, "Actually, I know. I know I put you through a lot of stress. But it didn't have to happen this way. We didn't have to end this way. But so soon, you found someone just happened to drive a BMW, that gives me the impression that you got over me rather quickly and you think money is more important."
She looked at me, shaking her head. I could see that she was trying very hard to conceal her emotion.
"Don't worry," I said, "You wanted me to let go, and I am letting go. I am really happy that you found someone who is capable of taking care of you. We were both at fault and that's why we had to end our relationship. I just hope you won't repeat the same mistake."
By that, I put my laptop in the bag, stood up, and said, "Anyway, I got to go. Good luck."
She didn't say a word. Her twinkling eyes looked at me, her mouth twitched a bit, like wanting to say something. I looked at her straight in the eyes, and I sensed that there was something in her mind that she wanted to tell me. I hesitated, and I was hoping that she would say something, but at the same time I also didn't want to give her a chance to say something, and I was also afraid that she would say something that could hurt me.
So I turned and walked away. I was walking away slowly, but my mind was telling me to go back and tell her how madly in love I still am with her, hug her as tight as possible, and kiss her passionately.
But I had to go. I had to let go. I had to allow her to have her happiness. She deserves to be happy. She wasn't happy when she was with me, but I cannot be so selfish and stop her from being happy again.
I had refused to let go for months, but after a meeting with Adrian on discussion on some matter, and telling him about seeing them the other day, he advised me to let go in order to move forward, to take the next step to improve my life. He went through the same thing, and he understood how difficult it was for him to let go, but after letting go, life suddenly became more bearable.
At the end, I reached my car, and I drove aimlessly.
Destination? What destination?
PS: Sorry, I am really tired. I will blog about the mistakes that both of us had done when I have the time and energy. Right now I just want to find a flat surface and sleep for days.
I turned, and I was surprised to see her.
"Hi. Long time no see. How are you?"
It took me a good few seconds to regain my conscious, and I must have mumbled something in the line of "Hi, I am fine. How about you?" because she smiled and took a seat opposite me.
I sat upright, folded my laptop, and looked at her.
She smiled, and asked, "So where are you staying now?"
I looked around, avoiding eye contact with her, and said, "Does it matter?"
She looked at me, the smile faded, and she thought for a while before answering me.
"No, it doesn't."
I looked at her, heart pounding, but trying my absolute best not to show, and said, "I saw you the other day, with the guy driving the 5 series."
Her eyes widened, and she was speechless. If I were her, I would not know how to reply to such statement. Knowing her so well, I added, "I am happy to see that you are happy. I hope he treats you well."
"Thanks...," and that was all she could say to me.
"It looks like he is rich. I hope he can provide you more than what I could last time and this time, you will treasure him and not giving up so easily like what you had done to me," I said.
I looked to the side, avoiding eye contact again. I didn't want her to see the moist forming in my eyes.
"What do you mean? You should know me well enough that money to me is not the most important thing," she confronted me.
I inhaled deeply, and said, "Actually, I know. I know I put you through a lot of stress. But it didn't have to happen this way. We didn't have to end this way. But so soon, you found someone just happened to drive a BMW, that gives me the impression that you got over me rather quickly and you think money is more important."
She looked at me, shaking her head. I could see that she was trying very hard to conceal her emotion.
"Don't worry," I said, "You wanted me to let go, and I am letting go. I am really happy that you found someone who is capable of taking care of you. We were both at fault and that's why we had to end our relationship. I just hope you won't repeat the same mistake."
By that, I put my laptop in the bag, stood up, and said, "Anyway, I got to go. Good luck."
She didn't say a word. Her twinkling eyes looked at me, her mouth twitched a bit, like wanting to say something. I looked at her straight in the eyes, and I sensed that there was something in her mind that she wanted to tell me. I hesitated, and I was hoping that she would say something, but at the same time I also didn't want to give her a chance to say something, and I was also afraid that she would say something that could hurt me.
So I turned and walked away. I was walking away slowly, but my mind was telling me to go back and tell her how madly in love I still am with her, hug her as tight as possible, and kiss her passionately.
But I had to go. I had to let go. I had to allow her to have her happiness. She deserves to be happy. She wasn't happy when she was with me, but I cannot be so selfish and stop her from being happy again.
I had refused to let go for months, but after a meeting with Adrian on discussion on some matter, and telling him about seeing them the other day, he advised me to let go in order to move forward, to take the next step to improve my life. He went through the same thing, and he understood how difficult it was for him to let go, but after letting go, life suddenly became more bearable.
At the end, I reached my car, and I drove aimlessly.
Destination? What destination?
PS: Sorry, I am really tired. I will blog about the mistakes that both of us had done when I have the time and energy. Right now I just want to find a flat surface and sleep for days.
Rain, rain, go away
It has been raining these few nights.
I should not complain as rainy days are much cooler than our normal tropical climate. I think a lot of people can say that they sleep better during rainy nights.
But not for me.
At night, when I sleep in my car, I will ventilate the car by leaving the window open for fresh air. It is still hot thanks to our tropical climate, but at least the air is fresh and the humidity level is still acceptable. Unfortunately, during rainy days, I have shut the car windows as I don't want the dashboard, seats, my clothes, and me, myself, to become wet. As a result, fog formed at rapid rate, the air became stale, and I can feel the perspiration forming around me. The humidity increase to a level where breathing is difficult, and it is extremely uncomfortable.
The only thing I can do is to drive my car to a place offering shades, opened the window to let the stale air out, and continue my sleep. Unfortunately, the shades area normally means under the bridge because common sense taught us that hiding under the tree is dangerous as lightning could strike at any moment.
Why under the bridge is bad? First of all, it is more exposed than housing area, so the chances of getting mobbed is higher. Secondly, a lot of motorcycle will park under the bridges to avoid getting wet, and normally they would come near my car to take a peek. Under such circumstances, I don't feel safe at all.
Another option is to drive into a roofed carpark like those in shopping mall. But that is another bad idea as the security guards will do their rounds and they would certainly wake me up and force me to go away.
The lesson here is that there are always more than one way to look at the situation. But most importantly, the way that we are looking at the situation depends on where we are standing. For those who got a warm comfortable bed, rain is a welcome weather as it cools down the environment considerately. But for someone sleeping in the car like me, it is not good.
Last time, I didn't normally looking at things using perspective. But going through all these, I am learning to open my eyes and mind to see things differently. I can't say that I am becoming a better person, but at least I am more understanding now compare to last time.
I should not complain as rainy days are much cooler than our normal tropical climate. I think a lot of people can say that they sleep better during rainy nights.
But not for me.
At night, when I sleep in my car, I will ventilate the car by leaving the window open for fresh air. It is still hot thanks to our tropical climate, but at least the air is fresh and the humidity level is still acceptable. Unfortunately, during rainy days, I have shut the car windows as I don't want the dashboard, seats, my clothes, and me, myself, to become wet. As a result, fog formed at rapid rate, the air became stale, and I can feel the perspiration forming around me. The humidity increase to a level where breathing is difficult, and it is extremely uncomfortable.
The only thing I can do is to drive my car to a place offering shades, opened the window to let the stale air out, and continue my sleep. Unfortunately, the shades area normally means under the bridge because common sense taught us that hiding under the tree is dangerous as lightning could strike at any moment.
Why under the bridge is bad? First of all, it is more exposed than housing area, so the chances of getting mobbed is higher. Secondly, a lot of motorcycle will park under the bridges to avoid getting wet, and normally they would come near my car to take a peek. Under such circumstances, I don't feel safe at all.
Another option is to drive into a roofed carpark like those in shopping mall. But that is another bad idea as the security guards will do their rounds and they would certainly wake me up and force me to go away.
The lesson here is that there are always more than one way to look at the situation. But most importantly, the way that we are looking at the situation depends on where we are standing. For those who got a warm comfortable bed, rain is a welcome weather as it cools down the environment considerately. But for someone sleeping in the car like me, it is not good.
Last time, I didn't normally looking at things using perspective. But going through all these, I am learning to open my eyes and mind to see things differently. I can't say that I am becoming a better person, but at least I am more understanding now compare to last time.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Job Interview
Last night I saw a hiring sign on 7-11, so I walked in and wanted to speak to the manager.
I have been looking for a full time job, and I have attended few interviews so far. Right now I am still awaiting for the news, but I need the money. I need the money seriously. So I have been looking for part-time as well.
A young Malay guy came out from the back. He looked not a day older than 28, and he identified himself as the Store Manager.
I explained to him that I saw the sign that the store was hiring, so I wanted the interview. He scoffed, went into his office, took out an application form and asked me to fill it up. I spent the few minutes filling up the particulars, and when I was done, I walked to the back of the store to pass him my application form.
After reading my application form for few minutes, he looked up and asked, "How old are you?"
I replied as politely as possible, "I am 30 years old."
He mumbled to himself very softly, "Wow. Older than me..."
I pretended that I didn't hear what he said. After awhile, we will all get used to it, and I don't blush that often nowadays.
"Hmm.. can you please tell me about your education background?" He asked, in a broken English manner.
"Sure," and I explained to him.
"Hahaha! Hmm.. you know, you have Master's Degree. This is only part-time job," he laughed.
I looked straight into his eyes, and I said, "Yes, I know. But right now I am jobless so I just want to get some income."
"Hahaha! Sorry! Your salary is too high and we cannot afford to hire Degree holder!" He laughed louder.
"It's okay sir. I know the pay is not high, but I really need this job," I pledged with him.
He thought for a while, scratched his head, and asked, "Do you know how to use the cash register machine?"
"Nope sir, but I am a quick learner," I replied quickly. He is much younger than me, but out of courtesy, I called him "sir", and I really needed that job.
"Actually, I won't hire you," he blinked at me.
"But I am really a quick learner and I am very sure that I can handle the cash register machine in no time," I begged.
"No. You have Master's Degree. Go look for a job that needs Master's Degree. We can only hire SPM holders only."
"But..."
"Bye!" And by that, he turned his back on me and walked back to the office.
At that point, I almost wanted to punch the shit out of him. He laughed at me, insulted me, and at the end didn't want to give me the part-time-freaking-job. Or at least listen to me instead of cutting me off when I was about to speak.
I was pissed! But could I have done at that moment? He had already judged me even before speaking to me, so there is no way I could turn things around.
I turned, opened the door while the chimney rang, and walked off without even turning my head.
I have been looking for a full time job, and I have attended few interviews so far. Right now I am still awaiting for the news, but I need the money. I need the money seriously. So I have been looking for part-time as well.
A young Malay guy came out from the back. He looked not a day older than 28, and he identified himself as the Store Manager.
I explained to him that I saw the sign that the store was hiring, so I wanted the interview. He scoffed, went into his office, took out an application form and asked me to fill it up. I spent the few minutes filling up the particulars, and when I was done, I walked to the back of the store to pass him my application form.
After reading my application form for few minutes, he looked up and asked, "How old are you?"
I replied as politely as possible, "I am 30 years old."
He mumbled to himself very softly, "Wow. Older than me..."
I pretended that I didn't hear what he said. After awhile, we will all get used to it, and I don't blush that often nowadays.
"Hmm.. can you please tell me about your education background?" He asked, in a broken English manner.
"Sure," and I explained to him.
"Hahaha! Hmm.. you know, you have Master's Degree. This is only part-time job," he laughed.
I looked straight into his eyes, and I said, "Yes, I know. But right now I am jobless so I just want to get some income."
"Hahaha! Sorry! Your salary is too high and we cannot afford to hire Degree holder!" He laughed louder.
"It's okay sir. I know the pay is not high, but I really need this job," I pledged with him.
He thought for a while, scratched his head, and asked, "Do you know how to use the cash register machine?"
"Nope sir, but I am a quick learner," I replied quickly. He is much younger than me, but out of courtesy, I called him "sir", and I really needed that job.
"Actually, I won't hire you," he blinked at me.
"But I am really a quick learner and I am very sure that I can handle the cash register machine in no time," I begged.
"No. You have Master's Degree. Go look for a job that needs Master's Degree. We can only hire SPM holders only."
"But..."
"Bye!" And by that, he turned his back on me and walked back to the office.
At that point, I almost wanted to punch the shit out of him. He laughed at me, insulted me, and at the end didn't want to give me the part-time-freaking-job. Or at least listen to me instead of cutting me off when I was about to speak.
I was pissed! But could I have done at that moment? He had already judged me even before speaking to me, so there is no way I could turn things around.
I turned, opened the door while the chimney rang, and walked off without even turning my head.
Thank you all...
To be honest, I am overwhelmed by the response that this blog has garnered. I didn't expect the visitors, and I certainly didn't expect the help that people are offering me.
I am surprised, and I am touched, at the same time feeling speechless as I can't find the proper words to thank you all for the emotional support and encouragement that you are giving. So I guess I will just say a simple "Thank you".
Because of the limited time that I can stay online before my laptop battery goes flat, I can't reply all the supportive comments that you have left in my portal. But rest assure that I read every one of them, and I have decided to write a message as a reply, so please forgive me if I don't address you as individual but as a whole.
I don't use my real name or even disclose the locations of my whereabouts is because I want to stay anonymous. The reasons to remain anonymous are (1) I am not looking for fame. All I wanted is to tell my stories, a channel for me to vent out whatever that's in my mind, and if just one person can benefit from my stories, that is more than enough for me, (2) I don't want my future employer to say "Oh! You are that homeless guy!" and I just want my peace of mind, and (3) I don't want people to look for me, tap my car window and scare me to death.
At this moment, what I need the most is peace of mind to calm myself down after the turbulent months that I had went through. Sleeping in my car is not something to be proud of, and to say that it is uncomfortable is overly understatement. Certainly, staying anonymous can allow me the peace of mind that I can think and work on things that I need to do.
In short, I need time to regain my life. It will take time because I have lost so much, not in terms of finance, but in terms of time, faith, and beliefs. But one good experience that I derive from all these is that no one can underestimate the capability and generosity of a stranger. I had witnessed it from Adrian, and now all of you. But we also cannot overestimate the helps that we can get from our so-called friends, as in time of needs, sometimes they will turn their back on you and walk away.
And for all the help that you are offering, please allow me to say that I am very grateful, but I need to find the steps in my life myself. I must get out of this hole myself as this is my sole purpose of surviving, period. I came to this world with nothing, and during the years, I had accumulated some small sum, and now I am reduced to nothing again. I believe that I will be back to where I was before all these nightmares, like pheonix rises from the ash. But I must do this myself.
But I am not alone. I have you guys supporting me even thought I am a nobody to you. Every night when I have trouble falling to sleep, I know that your support and encouragement is with me, so I feel much better. With that, I have the courage to face the challenges in life. The body ache from sleeping in the car will be a minor distraction only.
Yes, some will say that it is easy to drop a line of comment to show that you are supportive. But to take the time and effort to compose what you have just left as comment, that's something else.
But don't worry, as Adrian has contacted me and right now we are working on few things and when it is done, I will let you all know about the good news.
Please do keep the offers alive, not only to me but to those who need you as well. Before all these, I didn't realize that there are so many needy people around us, surrounding us. So please, offer the help to the needy people around you also.
Again, thank you.
I am surprised, and I am touched, at the same time feeling speechless as I can't find the proper words to thank you all for the emotional support and encouragement that you are giving. So I guess I will just say a simple "Thank you".
Because of the limited time that I can stay online before my laptop battery goes flat, I can't reply all the supportive comments that you have left in my portal. But rest assure that I read every one of them, and I have decided to write a message as a reply, so please forgive me if I don't address you as individual but as a whole.
I don't use my real name or even disclose the locations of my whereabouts is because I want to stay anonymous. The reasons to remain anonymous are (1) I am not looking for fame. All I wanted is to tell my stories, a channel for me to vent out whatever that's in my mind, and if just one person can benefit from my stories, that is more than enough for me, (2) I don't want my future employer to say "Oh! You are that homeless guy!" and I just want my peace of mind, and (3) I don't want people to look for me, tap my car window and scare me to death.
At this moment, what I need the most is peace of mind to calm myself down after the turbulent months that I had went through. Sleeping in my car is not something to be proud of, and to say that it is uncomfortable is overly understatement. Certainly, staying anonymous can allow me the peace of mind that I can think and work on things that I need to do.
In short, I need time to regain my life. It will take time because I have lost so much, not in terms of finance, but in terms of time, faith, and beliefs. But one good experience that I derive from all these is that no one can underestimate the capability and generosity of a stranger. I had witnessed it from Adrian, and now all of you. But we also cannot overestimate the helps that we can get from our so-called friends, as in time of needs, sometimes they will turn their back on you and walk away.
And for all the help that you are offering, please allow me to say that I am very grateful, but I need to find the steps in my life myself. I must get out of this hole myself as this is my sole purpose of surviving, period. I came to this world with nothing, and during the years, I had accumulated some small sum, and now I am reduced to nothing again. I believe that I will be back to where I was before all these nightmares, like pheonix rises from the ash. But I must do this myself.
But I am not alone. I have you guys supporting me even thought I am a nobody to you. Every night when I have trouble falling to sleep, I know that your support and encouragement is with me, so I feel much better. With that, I have the courage to face the challenges in life. The body ache from sleeping in the car will be a minor distraction only.
Yes, some will say that it is easy to drop a line of comment to show that you are supportive. But to take the time and effort to compose what you have just left as comment, that's something else.
But don't worry, as Adrian has contacted me and right now we are working on few things and when it is done, I will let you all know about the good news.
Please do keep the offers alive, not only to me but to those who need you as well. Before all these, I didn't realize that there are so many needy people around us, surrounding us. So please, offer the help to the needy people around you also.
Again, thank you.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
My Special Thanks Go To...
I owe many thanks to Adrian, which I had expressed before. But I didn't get the chance to really explain why I owed him a lot, so I am taking this opportunity to tell the story on how I met him.
I went to the Starbucks few days ago to use their free WiFi service. I sat in a corner, outdoor, just checking the local job postings and sending out my resumes with nice cover letters, then one of the staffs came to me and asked me if I had ordered any drinks.
I had some money left. But I needed to reserve these money because I have no idea when will I get money again. So I told the Starbucks staff that I was actually waiting for a friend.
"I am sorry sir, but I have noticed that you are here quite often, using the WiFi without purchasing any drinks," the young man said.
I stumbled for words. I struggled to find an excuse. But I couldn't. So I smiled at him, packed my things, and apologized profoundly. As I was about to leave, a man sitting not far away stopped the Starbucks staff while he was walking towards the counter. They exchanged few words while I was ready to go.
The man stood up and walked towards me.
"Hi."
I looked at him, and I said my hello.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry but I overheard the conversation. Is everything okay?"
It has been a long time since I really talk to someone, but it wasn't something easy to say, so I just nodded to him.
"Come, let me buy you a coffee so you can continue your work using the WiFi."
I declined his kindness, and I was about to go towards my car.
"I have noticed you here a few times, and that is the reason why I approached you to speak to you."
I looked at him, surprised that someone would pay attention to me.
"Please, have a seat. I have already told the Starbucks staff to bring out a coffee, and I don't want to have caffeine overdose, so please help me out by drinking the coffee," he smiled at me.
As I was sitting down, the Starbucks staff brought out a freshly brewed coffee. It has been a long time since I tasted coffee, so I took a sniff, enjoyed the aroma, and sipped the coffee slowly.
He didn't say a word. He just sat there, looking at me. He respected my privacy and didn't want to pry, and he was waiting for me to start the conversation. I spoke up first, and then the conversation begun, and I told him about my situation, how I ended up like this. He listened, without saying much, nodding most of the time.
It has been months since I really talked to someone. Some of my ex-colleagues looked down on me and avoided me. I don't have much friends, and that was the first time I spoke about myself, telling the stories, and during the conversation, I almost broke down in tears.
When I was done, both of us sat there, silence blanketed us, and we remained like that for a good one minute, at least.
Finally, he started to speak.
"Don't worry. Life is like that. We have our good times, and we have our bad times. Right now you are going through a very difficult time, which I can relate to, but don't give up. We all had our fair share of mistakes in life, but the most important thing is that we learn from our own mistakes and try to improve our life in the future."
I remained quiet and I was slowly digesting what he was saying. It was true, for many times I was contemplating on giving up, and then I remembered the tough time I had when I ran away from home years ago. His words gave me courage and I began to think about the future, making mental notes on the mistakes that I had made, and suddenly, the next day wasn't that dreadful anymore.
"I'll tell you what. The people in this Starbucks outlet know me quite well as I come here often, so I will inform them that whenever you order, the drinks will be on my tab. This way, you can continue to come here and apply for jobs on the internet," he said, without a hint of sympathy.
I looked at him, dumbfounded. I must have looked like an idiot or something, because he added quickly, "Please don't get me wrong. I don't mean to insult you. I had been through rough patches before, and to be honest, I am not doing that well right now but I still can afford a few cups of coffee to help out."
Yup, I was right. He said those without a hint of sympathy, but with doses of empathy.
"Thanks, but I can't," I told him.
"I insist, but it is really up to you if you want to take up the offer," he smiled.
"Thank you," I said, and making mental notes on how not to abuse this offer.
Then he told me about blogging.
"I blog, but I am only a small time blogger. Why don't you blog about your stories? First of all, it can serve as lessons to others not to repeat your mistakes. Secondly, you will have a channel to express your feelings because you can only take so much, and one day you might just explode from emotional overflow. Thirdly, you can make some money through advertisement. I can't guarantee the earnings, as I am only getting very small sum. But if your blog can become popular, those extra income might be useful."
I contemplated for a while, but decided that I got nothing to lose. Besides, if the advertising money is good, I might be able to afford Starbucks.
He gave me the details like Blogger.com, Nuffnang, and etc.
"But I have a problem," I told him.
He didn't ask. All he did was waiting for me to tell him my problem.
"I don't have a bank account. All my accounts were frozen, so even if I get the payment, I can't deposit it."
"Well, if you trust me, I can add your new blog into my account, and whenever there is a payment, I will just cash it out and pass you the money. Is that okay?"
I trust my intuition. I believe, or should I say, I can sense that, this man has a kind soul and he won't cheat me. So I agreed to it.
Well, you should have guessed it. This man is Adrian.
He didn't look down on me. When all my acquaintance try to avoid me, he was there to give me the courage not to give up but continue to fight. He even took time to review my resume and gave me his opinions on things to add or remove. Also, he introduced me to blogging so that I can channel out my frustrations, despairs, disappointments and upsets instead of keeping everything to myself.
Thank you, Adrian. I am so lucky to get to know you.
Also, it came to me as a surprise that there are so many people that care. A lot of these blog visitors are strangers to me, but they had shown me that people are capable of affections and care no matter how rich or poor you are. I would like to thank you for showing me the support, which means a lot to me and I really appreciate it.
By the way, there is no need to seek my permission to link me or to tell people about tis blog. I will remain annoynomous, but please feel free to link me. If my stories can teach just one person something, then it's worth all the blogging effort.
PS to Adrian: Sorry, I am still new to this so I don't know how to link you. I don't even know your blog address.
I went to the Starbucks few days ago to use their free WiFi service. I sat in a corner, outdoor, just checking the local job postings and sending out my resumes with nice cover letters, then one of the staffs came to me and asked me if I had ordered any drinks.
I had some money left. But I needed to reserve these money because I have no idea when will I get money again. So I told the Starbucks staff that I was actually waiting for a friend.
"I am sorry sir, but I have noticed that you are here quite often, using the WiFi without purchasing any drinks," the young man said.
I stumbled for words. I struggled to find an excuse. But I couldn't. So I smiled at him, packed my things, and apologized profoundly. As I was about to leave, a man sitting not far away stopped the Starbucks staff while he was walking towards the counter. They exchanged few words while I was ready to go.
The man stood up and walked towards me.
"Hi."
I looked at him, and I said my hello.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry but I overheard the conversation. Is everything okay?"
It has been a long time since I really talk to someone, but it wasn't something easy to say, so I just nodded to him.
"Come, let me buy you a coffee so you can continue your work using the WiFi."
I declined his kindness, and I was about to go towards my car.
"I have noticed you here a few times, and that is the reason why I approached you to speak to you."
I looked at him, surprised that someone would pay attention to me.
"Please, have a seat. I have already told the Starbucks staff to bring out a coffee, and I don't want to have caffeine overdose, so please help me out by drinking the coffee," he smiled at me.
As I was sitting down, the Starbucks staff brought out a freshly brewed coffee. It has been a long time since I tasted coffee, so I took a sniff, enjoyed the aroma, and sipped the coffee slowly.
He didn't say a word. He just sat there, looking at me. He respected my privacy and didn't want to pry, and he was waiting for me to start the conversation. I spoke up first, and then the conversation begun, and I told him about my situation, how I ended up like this. He listened, without saying much, nodding most of the time.
It has been months since I really talked to someone. Some of my ex-colleagues looked down on me and avoided me. I don't have much friends, and that was the first time I spoke about myself, telling the stories, and during the conversation, I almost broke down in tears.
When I was done, both of us sat there, silence blanketed us, and we remained like that for a good one minute, at least.
Finally, he started to speak.
"Don't worry. Life is like that. We have our good times, and we have our bad times. Right now you are going through a very difficult time, which I can relate to, but don't give up. We all had our fair share of mistakes in life, but the most important thing is that we learn from our own mistakes and try to improve our life in the future."
I remained quiet and I was slowly digesting what he was saying. It was true, for many times I was contemplating on giving up, and then I remembered the tough time I had when I ran away from home years ago. His words gave me courage and I began to think about the future, making mental notes on the mistakes that I had made, and suddenly, the next day wasn't that dreadful anymore.
"I'll tell you what. The people in this Starbucks outlet know me quite well as I come here often, so I will inform them that whenever you order, the drinks will be on my tab. This way, you can continue to come here and apply for jobs on the internet," he said, without a hint of sympathy.
I looked at him, dumbfounded. I must have looked like an idiot or something, because he added quickly, "Please don't get me wrong. I don't mean to insult you. I had been through rough patches before, and to be honest, I am not doing that well right now but I still can afford a few cups of coffee to help out."
Yup, I was right. He said those without a hint of sympathy, but with doses of empathy.
"Thanks, but I can't," I told him.
"I insist, but it is really up to you if you want to take up the offer," he smiled.
"Thank you," I said, and making mental notes on how not to abuse this offer.
Then he told me about blogging.
"I blog, but I am only a small time blogger. Why don't you blog about your stories? First of all, it can serve as lessons to others not to repeat your mistakes. Secondly, you will have a channel to express your feelings because you can only take so much, and one day you might just explode from emotional overflow. Thirdly, you can make some money through advertisement. I can't guarantee the earnings, as I am only getting very small sum. But if your blog can become popular, those extra income might be useful."
I contemplated for a while, but decided that I got nothing to lose. Besides, if the advertising money is good, I might be able to afford Starbucks.
He gave me the details like Blogger.com, Nuffnang, and etc.
"But I have a problem," I told him.
He didn't ask. All he did was waiting for me to tell him my problem.
"I don't have a bank account. All my accounts were frozen, so even if I get the payment, I can't deposit it."
"Well, if you trust me, I can add your new blog into my account, and whenever there is a payment, I will just cash it out and pass you the money. Is that okay?"
I trust my intuition. I believe, or should I say, I can sense that, this man has a kind soul and he won't cheat me. So I agreed to it.
Well, you should have guessed it. This man is Adrian.
He didn't look down on me. When all my acquaintance try to avoid me, he was there to give me the courage not to give up but continue to fight. He even took time to review my resume and gave me his opinions on things to add or remove. Also, he introduced me to blogging so that I can channel out my frustrations, despairs, disappointments and upsets instead of keeping everything to myself.
Thank you, Adrian. I am so lucky to get to know you.
Also, it came to me as a surprise that there are so many people that care. A lot of these blog visitors are strangers to me, but they had shown me that people are capable of affections and care no matter how rich or poor you are. I would like to thank you for showing me the support, which means a lot to me and I really appreciate it.
By the way, there is no need to seek my permission to link me or to tell people about tis blog. I will remain annoynomous, but please feel free to link me. If my stories can teach just one person something, then it's worth all the blogging effort.
PS to Adrian: Sorry, I am still new to this so I don't know how to link you. I don't even know your blog address.
Friday, April 4, 2008
And then, there she was...
I was sitting on a bench not far from a cafe, using their WiFi service to login to jobstreet, trying my luck for getting a job, or at least an interview. The truth is, lately the job market is slow. But it's okay.
While I was doing some research, I saw a familiar shadow far away. I looked up, and I saw her.
She was walking beside a tall distinguish man, hands clinching as tight as possible, her body leaning towards him, and she was laughing at some jokes.
I didn't know what to do. At first I wanted to get up and ran away as far and as fast as possible, but my body and legs got planted on the floor, and I couldn't move. I wanted to look away, pretended that I didn't see them, but my eyes were transfixed on her smiling face. Or maybe I just wanted to catch a glimpse of her just for a while longer.
She looked different.
She looked so happy, so contended, and so far away as if it has nothing to do with me. Well, it has nothing to do with me. She broke up with me just a few months ago, shattering me into pieces, breaking my heart, crushing my naive belief that she was still in love with me. When I asked her why she wanted to do that, she looked at me, straight in the eyes, and said, "Because I don't love you anymore." At that moment, I felt as if I was weightless, floating deeper and deeper into darkness, completely helpless. I tried to cling on to something, but I kept falling. I wanted to shout, but no voice came out from me. I wanted to cry, and I realized that when a person is at the saddest, no tears would come out from the eyes. Tears became blood, bleeding from the heart.
I kept looking at her, and then I realized why she looked different.
There were sparks in her eyes! For the last few months when we were together, when my financial difficulty started to appear, her eyes were dim and lifeless. But at that moment, in the arm of that man, I could see her eyes glistering, glowing, and shining.
I went numb. I was incapable of feeling a thing. Sadness, yes. But there is no words that I could find to describe the depth of sadness that I was feeling. Disappointment, yes, but it was beyond words. Heartbroken, into micron. It was as if suddenly someone just took my breath away, and I couldn't breath, I couldn't move, and I couldn't think. Darkness covered me in a bright shinny day, and coldness blanketed me when the temperature was above 32oC. All I could do was sitting there, looking at her happy face, and that's it. The rest were pure emptiness.
Some people might say that she is materialistic. But to be fair and honest, all she wanted was that I provided her some form of security. She wasn't looking at wealthy lifestyle, but not the life that debtors kept coming to us, banging the door, harassing us, calling us, to collect the debts. I did put a lot of pressure on her, and one day, she decided that enough was enough and she broke up with me.
I can't blame her. After she broke up with me, her salary could afford her a normal life. Otherwise I needed her to provide me some, on top of my salary, to settle some of the debts. I said I can't blame her is because I understood the kind of pressure that she was facing, and I can't blame her because up until now, I am still very much in love with her.
They kept walking, laughing, holding hands, and then they stopped in front of a new BMW 5 series. He opened the door for her, she smiled, he leaned forward to kiss her, she kissed him back, she went into the car, he closed the door, he went to the driver's side, and drove off.
That's what we used to do.
I am glad that she is finally happy. I am sad that she got over me so quickly, forgetting about my existence and fall into the arms of a new guy.
I am not an expert, but that guy looks like a decent guy. Maybe he got some kind of very good job, or he is from a rich family. But I can tell that he really appreciates her, and she likes him very much. It's good for her, as I am sure he would be able to provide her with the basic security that everyone needs, not like me.
As for me, I can only continue to watch from far away, as a spectator.
After they drove off, I suddenly remembered the letters that she wrote me. I unzipped my laptop bag, took out the plastic folder, and started to read the letters again. They were beautiful letters, expressing her love to me, and suddenly, tears sprung from the corner of my eyes, dropping onto the letters.
I quickly wiped the tears away from the letters as my eyes blurred. All I wanted to do was to keep those letters forever.
While I was doing some research, I saw a familiar shadow far away. I looked up, and I saw her.
She was walking beside a tall distinguish man, hands clinching as tight as possible, her body leaning towards him, and she was laughing at some jokes.
I didn't know what to do. At first I wanted to get up and ran away as far and as fast as possible, but my body and legs got planted on the floor, and I couldn't move. I wanted to look away, pretended that I didn't see them, but my eyes were transfixed on her smiling face. Or maybe I just wanted to catch a glimpse of her just for a while longer.
She looked different.
She looked so happy, so contended, and so far away as if it has nothing to do with me. Well, it has nothing to do with me. She broke up with me just a few months ago, shattering me into pieces, breaking my heart, crushing my naive belief that she was still in love with me. When I asked her why she wanted to do that, she looked at me, straight in the eyes, and said, "Because I don't love you anymore." At that moment, I felt as if I was weightless, floating deeper and deeper into darkness, completely helpless. I tried to cling on to something, but I kept falling. I wanted to shout, but no voice came out from me. I wanted to cry, and I realized that when a person is at the saddest, no tears would come out from the eyes. Tears became blood, bleeding from the heart.
I kept looking at her, and then I realized why she looked different.
There were sparks in her eyes! For the last few months when we were together, when my financial difficulty started to appear, her eyes were dim and lifeless. But at that moment, in the arm of that man, I could see her eyes glistering, glowing, and shining.
I went numb. I was incapable of feeling a thing. Sadness, yes. But there is no words that I could find to describe the depth of sadness that I was feeling. Disappointment, yes, but it was beyond words. Heartbroken, into micron. It was as if suddenly someone just took my breath away, and I couldn't breath, I couldn't move, and I couldn't think. Darkness covered me in a bright shinny day, and coldness blanketed me when the temperature was above 32oC. All I could do was sitting there, looking at her happy face, and that's it. The rest were pure emptiness.
Some people might say that she is materialistic. But to be fair and honest, all she wanted was that I provided her some form of security. She wasn't looking at wealthy lifestyle, but not the life that debtors kept coming to us, banging the door, harassing us, calling us, to collect the debts. I did put a lot of pressure on her, and one day, she decided that enough was enough and she broke up with me.
I can't blame her. After she broke up with me, her salary could afford her a normal life. Otherwise I needed her to provide me some, on top of my salary, to settle some of the debts. I said I can't blame her is because I understood the kind of pressure that she was facing, and I can't blame her because up until now, I am still very much in love with her.
They kept walking, laughing, holding hands, and then they stopped in front of a new BMW 5 series. He opened the door for her, she smiled, he leaned forward to kiss her, she kissed him back, she went into the car, he closed the door, he went to the driver's side, and drove off.
That's what we used to do.
I am glad that she is finally happy. I am sad that she got over me so quickly, forgetting about my existence and fall into the arms of a new guy.
I am not an expert, but that guy looks like a decent guy. Maybe he got some kind of very good job, or he is from a rich family. But I can tell that he really appreciates her, and she likes him very much. It's good for her, as I am sure he would be able to provide her with the basic security that everyone needs, not like me.
As for me, I can only continue to watch from far away, as a spectator.
After they drove off, I suddenly remembered the letters that she wrote me. I unzipped my laptop bag, took out the plastic folder, and started to read the letters again. They were beautiful letters, expressing her love to me, and suddenly, tears sprung from the corner of my eyes, dropping onto the letters.
I quickly wiped the tears away from the letters as my eyes blurred. All I wanted to do was to keep those letters forever.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Let the Journey Begins - Part 2
After the 3rd day that I was sound asleep for the first time, I managed to rethink my strategies. There is no way that I can stay at one place for more than one day because people would get suspicious, especially when the safety is not so well. But I also realized that I cannot go to those remote area, or very dark area because I could get mugged easily.
So my formula is easy. I will identify a few locations, and rotate these locations every night, and I would not park on the same street more than once per week. That way I can avoid the prying eyes of the neighborhood and prevent those nosy people from calling the police.
But I needed a job. So every daytime, I would drive and stop near Starbucks to use their free WiFi. Sometimes when my laptop ran out of battery, I would just walk into Starbucks, plugged in the power socket and started recharging. Sometimes when I was lucky, the staff were friendly to me. But few times, they asked me to leave since I didn't order any drinks. Most of the time it wasn't that I didn't want to order, but I had no money.
Sometimes at night, if I were lucky, I could find a house that didn't put any password for the WiFi connection, and I would spend the night checking mails and all that. I would make a mental note on the location because I might have to use the internet at night once in a while and then I would know where to go.
I spent the next few weeks on my credit cards, especially when I needed to refill the petrol for my car. Sometimes I would stand at the petrol pump and offered to pump the petrol for people in return for cash. Funny thing is, those whom drive normal cars (translation: inexpensive cars) will not even bother to look at me. Surprisingly, those whom drive expensive cars like BMW, Mercedes, etc will listen to me, and pay me to refill their tank full. It's good though, because what I did was that I only get half of the total price for the full tank, and those cars got bigger fuel tank.
Anyway, if you decide to do this, here are a few things that you should remember. Look for expensive cars. These people can be rich because they are good in math, and they are calculative. Secondly, don't target the women. They will run to the petrol station staff for protection because they aren't sure if you will cause them physical harm. Third thing is, don't linger too long or else the staff will definitely chase you off and recognize you. Maximum dwell time is 5 minutes, and if you can't get anything, drive off to try your luck somewhere else.
A lot of times these people were skeptical and reported me to the staff. As a result, most of the time the staff would ask-me-to-leave-or-else-would-call-the-police. I was once being roughed up by the petrol station attendance. Sometimes I didn't get a thing.
Very soon, after doing this in exchange for cash, my credit cards were maxed out.
But I didn't have money to pay them back, and very soon, the banks froze my bank account along with the credit cards, and they started calling me to chase for payments, and a lot of times, they passed my case to those debt collectors.
And then, not long after that, my mobile line was suspended due to "2 months overdue payment not received". Luckily I was able to receive phone calls when it was suspended, but I couldn't call out.
But I hung on to the phone line. In my resume that I sent out, I left the address column blank because I had no idea which address I should use, and I definitely cannot use the petrol station or the street as my address, so the only means of communication is either by phone or email. I thought of a good reason for not including my corresponding address and the reason was simple; I didn't want to reveal where I am staying until I got the interview because for privacy reason. I was hoping that they will buy it.
Anyway, I continued to go to shopping mall or some public toilet to clean up myself. Sometimes when it was late and quiet, I would take the hand liquid soap to wash my hair, my face, and shower inside the toilet. But my finding was that if I were to go to these public toilet early in the morning, like 6am, I could have the whole toilet to myself so that I could slowly shave, wash my hair, face and shower.
It wasn't pretty, but I have skin problems that when the environment is too dirty, I will get skin reaction.
So my formula is easy. I will identify a few locations, and rotate these locations every night, and I would not park on the same street more than once per week. That way I can avoid the prying eyes of the neighborhood and prevent those nosy people from calling the police.
But I needed a job. So every daytime, I would drive and stop near Starbucks to use their free WiFi. Sometimes when my laptop ran out of battery, I would just walk into Starbucks, plugged in the power socket and started recharging. Sometimes when I was lucky, the staff were friendly to me. But few times, they asked me to leave since I didn't order any drinks. Most of the time it wasn't that I didn't want to order, but I had no money.
Sometimes at night, if I were lucky, I could find a house that didn't put any password for the WiFi connection, and I would spend the night checking mails and all that. I would make a mental note on the location because I might have to use the internet at night once in a while and then I would know where to go.
I spent the next few weeks on my credit cards, especially when I needed to refill the petrol for my car. Sometimes I would stand at the petrol pump and offered to pump the petrol for people in return for cash. Funny thing is, those whom drive normal cars (translation: inexpensive cars) will not even bother to look at me. Surprisingly, those whom drive expensive cars like BMW, Mercedes, etc will listen to me, and pay me to refill their tank full. It's good though, because what I did was that I only get half of the total price for the full tank, and those cars got bigger fuel tank.
Anyway, if you decide to do this, here are a few things that you should remember. Look for expensive cars. These people can be rich because they are good in math, and they are calculative. Secondly, don't target the women. They will run to the petrol station staff for protection because they aren't sure if you will cause them physical harm. Third thing is, don't linger too long or else the staff will definitely chase you off and recognize you. Maximum dwell time is 5 minutes, and if you can't get anything, drive off to try your luck somewhere else.
A lot of times these people were skeptical and reported me to the staff. As a result, most of the time the staff would ask-me-to-leave-or-else-would-call-the-police. I was once being roughed up by the petrol station attendance. Sometimes I didn't get a thing.
Very soon, after doing this in exchange for cash, my credit cards were maxed out.
But I didn't have money to pay them back, and very soon, the banks froze my bank account along with the credit cards, and they started calling me to chase for payments, and a lot of times, they passed my case to those debt collectors.
And then, not long after that, my mobile line was suspended due to "2 months overdue payment not received". Luckily I was able to receive phone calls when it was suspended, but I couldn't call out.
But I hung on to the phone line. In my resume that I sent out, I left the address column blank because I had no idea which address I should use, and I definitely cannot use the petrol station or the street as my address, so the only means of communication is either by phone or email. I thought of a good reason for not including my corresponding address and the reason was simple; I didn't want to reveal where I am staying until I got the interview because for privacy reason. I was hoping that they will buy it.
Anyway, I continued to go to shopping mall or some public toilet to clean up myself. Sometimes when it was late and quiet, I would take the hand liquid soap to wash my hair, my face, and shower inside the toilet. But my finding was that if I were to go to these public toilet early in the morning, like 6am, I could have the whole toilet to myself so that I could slowly shave, wash my hair, face and shower.
It wasn't pretty, but I have skin problems that when the environment is too dirty, I will get skin reaction.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Let the Journey Begins - Part 1
Before I start to tell the story of my life, I would like to take this opportunity to thank Adrian for helping me. I know you are reading this, and a simple "thank you" is just not enough to make up to it.
In order to tell the story of mine, I will have to start from the beginning. It will be long, so I have to split the introduction into few chapters. And this blog entry will be the first chapter of the introduction.
Let me be very frank.
I am not always homeless. I used to live in an upscale apartment with a beautiful girlfriend and a cute dog. I used to have a steady job, and I was a millionaire, not in cash but fixed asset.
But it all changed.
I have made many mistakes in life, but none greater than the previous few mistakes that didn't only take away the life that I used to enjoy, but also causing me the miseries that I am facing now.
Money was easy for me. Besides my salary job, I invested smartly and the return was handsome. To avoid those stupid income taxes, I used my girlfriend's name to purchase the apartment, and then every month I spent lavishly on food, clothing, gadgets, gifts, and etc. I didn't really have savings as I got rental income from my 2 houses in U.S., and also the salary job.
Then, I sold one of the houses in U.S., and invested the sum into some high risk investment. It flopped, and I lost it all. But the worst was the fact that I didn't save any money for rainy days and when the investment flopped, I was left with no money at all. That was mistake #1.
Then, my girlfriend broke up with me just 2 weeks after my failed investment. She decided to throw me out from my own home, but there was nothing I could do because the house was purchased under her name. That was mistake #2.
Over night, from an upscale apartment, I was reduced to homeless. I didn't have saving, so I can't afford a rental place, so I packed up all my things into my car, and moved into office. That was mistake #3.
I managed to hide the fact that I was living in the office from my colleagues and friends for 2 days, but eventually the boss found out, and that didn't get on very well with him. He ordered me to go into his office, and he was barking at me. I couldn't give him a good enough reason, and maybe he was sleeping on the wrong side of the bed the night before, he fired me, right there and then.
Without any choice, I packed up my belongings into my car again.
I didn't call my friends because for the 6 odd years that I was in the relationship, I more or less lost touch with them. That was mistake #4.
I was immersing myself into the relationship and forgot about my friends. And then, I became homeless and I was embarrassed to call them up asking for help. Furthermore, some of my friends were married and staying with their families, so I had no choice but to wander around in my car.
Ever since I walked out from the house many years back after the big fight, I haven't talked to my dad at all. I am the only son, and I don't have siblings. My mom passed away when I was young, and my dad, being the asshole that he is, married his mistress within weeks after the funeral. I shouted at him for not showing any respects to mom, and he slapped me. I punched him, and then I ran away with a small luggage. After that, I hated him ever since and sometimes when we bumped into each other on the street, we would pretend that we didn't see each other. His wife (I will never admit that she's my step-mom) got pregnant and now, after so many years, they got a few kids. I heard that my dad pretended, in front of his friends and associates, that he didn't have son (that would be me) besides the few that he got with his new wife.
Anyway, enough of that asshole.
On the first day, I drove around looking for a quiet housing area to park my car so that I could sleep. I found one place, and I spent the night sleeping in the car. It was a hot and humid night, and I couldn't sleep well. But I managed to catch a wink for few hours until the morning, and I drove off again. I was looking for a place to use my laptop to go online to find a job.
On the second day, I was back at the same spot the previous night to sleep again. Again, the weather was not being friendly because it was again hot and humid. I had trouble sleeping, and because I didn't sleep much the night before, my head was throbbing with pain. But I swallowed all that pain and forced myself to sleep.
Then, in the morning, I drove off to some shopping mall, took a few of my belongings and went into the washroom. I was lingering around until there was no one nearby, I took a big chunk of toilet paper and ran into the room. I used the hose to wash my hair, and then wet the toilet paper to wipe my body. It had been a few days since I took shower, and wiping myself clean was the only option at that time.
I came out from the washroom, and people were looking at me. I pretended that I didn't see, and I picked up my pace and ran towards the exit. I didn't need a mirror to know that the burning sensation on my face was me blushing. But I didn't have much choice.
At night, I went back to the same spot again. I almost passed out for not sleeping for 2 days before someone tapped on my car window loudly. There was a blinding light aimed at me and I panicked. I thought I was going to be robbed or something.
It turned out that the people at the housing area noticed my car for few continuous days, so they called the police.
I was being questioned, and they gave me a stern warning not to linger there anymore. I apologized profoundly, started the engine and sped off. It was 1232am that night, as I remember vividly. But I was too tired, and I didn't have much petrol left in my car, so I went to the nearest petrol station and parked my car there.
Before I could do anything, I collapsed...
And that was the first time ever since I moved out from my upscale apartment that I could sleep so soundly.
In order to tell the story of mine, I will have to start from the beginning. It will be long, so I have to split the introduction into few chapters. And this blog entry will be the first chapter of the introduction.
Let me be very frank.
I am not always homeless. I used to live in an upscale apartment with a beautiful girlfriend and a cute dog. I used to have a steady job, and I was a millionaire, not in cash but fixed asset.
But it all changed.
I have made many mistakes in life, but none greater than the previous few mistakes that didn't only take away the life that I used to enjoy, but also causing me the miseries that I am facing now.
Money was easy for me. Besides my salary job, I invested smartly and the return was handsome. To avoid those stupid income taxes, I used my girlfriend's name to purchase the apartment, and then every month I spent lavishly on food, clothing, gadgets, gifts, and etc. I didn't really have savings as I got rental income from my 2 houses in U.S., and also the salary job.
Then, I sold one of the houses in U.S., and invested the sum into some high risk investment. It flopped, and I lost it all. But the worst was the fact that I didn't save any money for rainy days and when the investment flopped, I was left with no money at all. That was mistake #1.
Then, my girlfriend broke up with me just 2 weeks after my failed investment. She decided to throw me out from my own home, but there was nothing I could do because the house was purchased under her name. That was mistake #2.
Over night, from an upscale apartment, I was reduced to homeless. I didn't have saving, so I can't afford a rental place, so I packed up all my things into my car, and moved into office. That was mistake #3.
I managed to hide the fact that I was living in the office from my colleagues and friends for 2 days, but eventually the boss found out, and that didn't get on very well with him. He ordered me to go into his office, and he was barking at me. I couldn't give him a good enough reason, and maybe he was sleeping on the wrong side of the bed the night before, he fired me, right there and then.
Without any choice, I packed up my belongings into my car again.
I didn't call my friends because for the 6 odd years that I was in the relationship, I more or less lost touch with them. That was mistake #4.
I was immersing myself into the relationship and forgot about my friends. And then, I became homeless and I was embarrassed to call them up asking for help. Furthermore, some of my friends were married and staying with their families, so I had no choice but to wander around in my car.
Ever since I walked out from the house many years back after the big fight, I haven't talked to my dad at all. I am the only son, and I don't have siblings. My mom passed away when I was young, and my dad, being the asshole that he is, married his mistress within weeks after the funeral. I shouted at him for not showing any respects to mom, and he slapped me. I punched him, and then I ran away with a small luggage. After that, I hated him ever since and sometimes when we bumped into each other on the street, we would pretend that we didn't see each other. His wife (I will never admit that she's my step-mom) got pregnant and now, after so many years, they got a few kids. I heard that my dad pretended, in front of his friends and associates, that he didn't have son (that would be me) besides the few that he got with his new wife.
Anyway, enough of that asshole.
On the first day, I drove around looking for a quiet housing area to park my car so that I could sleep. I found one place, and I spent the night sleeping in the car. It was a hot and humid night, and I couldn't sleep well. But I managed to catch a wink for few hours until the morning, and I drove off again. I was looking for a place to use my laptop to go online to find a job.
On the second day, I was back at the same spot the previous night to sleep again. Again, the weather was not being friendly because it was again hot and humid. I had trouble sleeping, and because I didn't sleep much the night before, my head was throbbing with pain. But I swallowed all that pain and forced myself to sleep.
Then, in the morning, I drove off to some shopping mall, took a few of my belongings and went into the washroom. I was lingering around until there was no one nearby, I took a big chunk of toilet paper and ran into the room. I used the hose to wash my hair, and then wet the toilet paper to wipe my body. It had been a few days since I took shower, and wiping myself clean was the only option at that time.
I came out from the washroom, and people were looking at me. I pretended that I didn't see, and I picked up my pace and ran towards the exit. I didn't need a mirror to know that the burning sensation on my face was me blushing. But I didn't have much choice.
At night, I went back to the same spot again. I almost passed out for not sleeping for 2 days before someone tapped on my car window loudly. There was a blinding light aimed at me and I panicked. I thought I was going to be robbed or something.
It turned out that the people at the housing area noticed my car for few continuous days, so they called the police.
I was being questioned, and they gave me a stern warning not to linger there anymore. I apologized profoundly, started the engine and sped off. It was 1232am that night, as I remember vividly. But I was too tired, and I didn't have much petrol left in my car, so I went to the nearest petrol station and parked my car there.
Before I could do anything, I collapsed...
And that was the first time ever since I moved out from my upscale apartment that I could sleep so soundly.
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